I will not say
That I loved you.
Love is just a word.
An over-exploited, cheap, emotion-less word.
I don’t love you,
Like all your lovers say they do.
You were as human
As a human try and be.
Your skeleton still shines bright
Through the starry cover of your mesmerizing shattered skin.
Today, I’d like you to know somethings
All those times you sobbed silently on my shoulder
For the world was a cruel machine,
Did i tell you,
I was beyond amazed at how you managed to hold yourself together for such a long time.
And every time you were mad out of your wits,
Blasting like a falling meteor,
Did i tell you
I saw reason and purpose in the world flowing through your angry words.
When we lay up all night
Talking sense out of the things we do
Did i ever tell you,
I never felt so alive as in those slow moments when you let me into a little corner of your galactic brain.
During your chemo sessions,
When you held my hand all through
Oh God! why did I not tell you,
I wanted to spend my life with you.
That i wanted to hold your hand
And take you places unknown.
That your bald head did not make you look ugly
Like you said it did.
I have no idea, why I did not tell you
That losing hair does not mean losing charm; oh god how could you ever lose it?
I should have told you
Of the fire in my heart,
That went deep into my bones
And the wreckage in my soul
That no one would ever know.
As I now stand helpless,
I want you to know,
I am sorry I did not tell you
I am sorry I couldn’t say
But I wish I could have said it to you
Rather than the pale cadaver that lays
I promised you a eulogy
That is all I have to say.
Till I see you again.